Over the past 12 years the Dec Polyam gathering has been a time for sharing food and drink and support. Clearly this year we won’t have the benefit of enjoying freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, bread, cheese, wine, and deliciousness of all sorts. Still, we have the opportunity to come together and be with one another sharing ourselves, our hearts and minds, our successes and losses, as well as our joys and sorrows.

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A couple of weeks ago I had an opportunity to revisit the awkwardness of coming out poly to a total stranger.

Here’s what happened: My husband and I were at a store that sells exercise equipment. Anticipating a run on machines due to the closure, and/or hesitancy around attending gyms, I thought, “let’s get something now!” After trying a few machines, with a very anxious salesperson nipping at our heels, I said to my husband “let’s have Cindy come in and try the ones we like.” “Who is Cindy, your daughter?” the salesperson queried. I was thrown into the many dozens of times that question has been asked of me, remembering back to the first time our 5-year-old son asked that question “Who is Cindy?”

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Generally, one of the main ways that poly folks sustain secondary or non-cohabitational partnerships is by visiting each other for dates, either out in public or in one of their homes. Being unable to visit a secondary/non-cohabitational partner can leave the relationship feeling more distant and can feel especially vulnerable for a person who does not have a primary partner and is sheltering alone. Living alone can be a joyous, fulfilling, and relaxing experience when it is a choice, but it can become painfully lonely when it is enforced for an extended time.

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So much is happening right now it occurs to me that what we might need is a free floating couple of hours to connect, be together and talk about whatever is on our hearts and minds.

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While worry about the corona virus abounds, many report feelings that are swinging from fear, to depression, to relief and elation about not needing to travel to workplaces, and so on. Some folks are saying that their moods are impacting one another creating shifting sands in relational dynamics.

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How much contact is okay or safe for polyamorous folks during these challenging times? Is sex okay? With whom? What sexual activity is okay and what isn’t? How long before I/we can bring others into our homes? These questions are on many of our minds. Let’s discuss together.

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Hello dear community. As you know, initiallywe cancelled the face to face April 4 group due to the shelter in place order and the Covid19 virus. I had a subsequent thought that we might be able to chat together online instead of our monthly Tribe gathering.

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At the February meeting someone suggested the topic of rejection which I think is deserving of time and attention. I’d like to broaden it a bit to include not only those who’ve felt rejected, but also those who’ve ended or changed up relationships and the feelings that come along with being the “rejector.”

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One topic that I have heard over and over over the years has been around breaking/keeping negotiated promises. Now not everyone needs or wants to have hard line negotiated promises. But for others kept promises provide degrees of safety and trust. And broken ones can destroy good relational intentions.

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Whether entering the world of dating polyamorous folks, or having been in polyamorous relationships for many years, dating seems to be a challenge for most. Often I’m asked questions like: “How do I begin?” Or “How do we make this work, it’s so complex?” Or “I’m so jealous I don’t think I can do this! Can I?” No simplistic answer that I can provide is THE answer.

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As the winter holidays approach many find the frenzy of shopping and the endless quandaries about gift giving. This can get particularly complicated and stressful in polycules and their extended families.

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Being open and honest are fundamental bedrocks of polyamorous relationships. But are you always open and honest?

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Safety and Care in Polyamorous Relationships:
Do you feel safe and cared for in your poly relationship(s)? Do you make your partner(s) feel safe and cared for? Polyamory creates all sorts of unique challenges when it comes to safety and care.

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Open Seat: From time to time we like to open the floor to whatever is on your mind, whatever you’d like to bring to the group. Sometimes when there is an open seat, a topic arises from the group. If your topic hasn’t been represented thus far, now might be the opportunity you’ve been waiting for. See you in September!

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There is something deeply human in wanting to be seen and heard. Unfortunately for sex workers, stigma and questions of safety can make it hard to find spaces to openly share experiences and feelings. This August’s group is holding space to talk about our different experiences, sharing our stories and experiences with each other. This group will continue building on themes of validation, boundaries, and self-care.

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Over the past dozen years or so I have encountered many folks who are trying their best to stay afloat on the often rocky boat of poly/mono relationships.

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As in many relationships and professions, boundaries are an important and complicated issue in sex work. In our group in July, we will continue to explore boundaries with long term clients, how emotional labor plays into boundaries, and negotiating boundaries.

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In last month’s poly support group there was a request to continue discussing the topic of sharing. I thought we might add shame to the conversation as it can be the painful result when things don’t go well.

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Stigma around sex work can make it difficult for workers to know when and where it is safe to come out. This month we continue our discussion of how to navigate stigma and where it feels safe to be out. We will look at how people navigate stigma, with partners, family, and institutions, reflecting on how this relates to overall themes of stress, community, and self care.

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Often over the years of practicing as a psychotherapist I’ve heard a lament about “sharing” one’s partner with another person(s). The source of much consternation, pain, worry and sometimes even joy! this topic surfaces frequently. When my children were little, I did not encourage them to share their stuff. My belief was that if they had something long enough, like a toy, a stuffed animal etc., they’d be more apt to share it when they’d had it for as long as they’d wanted it. Sometimes they did, other times not. Does this idea map on to human relationships?

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